My Secret: I Love You
by CrazyKitCat
Summary: Shane loves Caitlyn. Caitlyn loves Shane. Neither knows the other loves them. What happens when Shane reads a story Caitlyn wrote about her love of him? Will they get together, or will they just stay friends? "Shaitlyn"-oneshot.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.**

Secret: I Love You

CAITLYN'S POV:

I woke up with a start. At first, I was wondering what was going on and what woke me up, then it hit me: the doorbell…Shane!

"Shit! I must have dozed off!" I realized as I raced down the stairs, while pulling on a zipper hoodie and my hi-top sneakers. I am very good at multitasking.

After quickly checking my reflection in the downstairs bathroom, I raced to the door and opened it revealing my personal angel/best friend: Shane Grey.

No, I wasn't dating said pop star. Did I want to? HELL YES!

I was in love with my best friend; I had been for a long time. But I loved him for who he was, unlike the majority of his fans who loved him because he is hot (which he is, that's just a plus for me though). I love him so deeply. I love him so much. I love the sound of his voice and the way that when we touch, I can feel the electricity (even though he doesn't). I love his warm smile and his kind, thoughtful way, the joy that he brings to my life every day. I love him today as I have from the start, before he became famous, and I'll love him forever with all of my heart. When the other fans forget him, I'll be there loving him. Too bad he'll never know, at least not from me.

And I was inspired.

* * *

SHANE'S POV:

I arrived about an hour and a half ago, and we still had done…nothing.

Caitlyn had opened the door, looking like I had just woken her up, which I had, and within 5 seconds, before I could even say 'hi' she had gotten _that look_ in her eye. She had promptly turned around and gone up the stairs, to her room, to her bed, to her journal that held secrets and stories that not even I was allowed to read.

I knew the drill. _That look_ meant that she had had an inspiration and had to document it before she lost it, just like me with my music. I had gone to the kitchen and had made 2 bags of popcorn and a 6-pack of soda, knowing she'd take a bit of time to finish. Within 5 minutes of arriving I was at home in her bedroom.

We were both sitting on her bed, well she was sitting with her back to the headboard, and I was lying on my stomach with my feet beside her.

Usually, it only took her 45 minutes to get her thoughts out, so I was curious as to what she was writing after watching an hour and a half of TV.

I glanced at her and instantly wished I hadn't, she was too beautiful to not want to kiss her, but I couldn't. I was in love with my best friend. From the way Caitlyn's hair was never tame, to the way she bit her lip and furrowed her eyebrows when thinking, she was by far the most beautiful creature I had ever beheld. The thing with Cait was that she never tried to change to be liked. She was who she was and people could either accept that or reject it, it was their choice.

I honestly believed that destiny brought us together. That my meeting her was fate, becoming her friend was a choice, but falling in love with her was beyond my control.

When she looked up at my staring, and our eyes met, I immediately looked away.

"Did I catch you staring or was it you who caught me?" she asked with an audible smirk. Oh great, now I can _hear_ her smirks. I was too in love with her, yet I didn't feel like stopping.

"I don't know, I just was wondering if you were DONE yet?" I asked in a slightly irritated (but mostly teasing) tone. "Jeez, I come back from a 2 month tour to my best friend blowing me off for the company of her _diary_," I continued as I moved to sit next to her, attempting to read over her shoulder, a move she anticipated and moved to sit facing me instead of beside me.

"Journal, Shane, it's a journal," she smiled annoyed, "Or a notebook, whichever of those 2, but definitely NOT a diary," she responded firmly. But then she smiled good naturedly and continued, "I'm almost done. And no, you can't read it, so don't ask." She always anticipated my request.

Knowing it was a lost battle; I gave up on the story and went back to "watching" the TV while muttering things under my breath. Really I was just watching Cait, but not wanting to be stalkerish, I was using the TV as an excuse.

At her light hearted laugh and the sight of her pencil stuck behind her ear, I lost all self control and did one of the most daring things of my life: I leaned towards her and…

* * *

CAITLYN'S POV:

While giggling at Shane's childish mutterings, and I looked back to my journal on my lap, just planning on doing a last bit of editing before I dubbed it finished, to find my journal disappearing from my lap. Without having to look, I lunged, tackling both Shane and I to the floor.

Shane was quick to stand but I decided to stay on the floor, for some unknown reason.

"Shane, please… Come on… Give it back! You don't want to read it anyway… Come On… PLEASE?" I practically begged while jumping for it as he held it above his head and Caitlyn Gellar does NOT beg.

Usually, I wouldn't care if Shane read one of my stories. Just not this one. Just not the one that was me pouring my love for him out into some fictional characters based on us.

I lunged for the notebook again, using his other arm as a boost to try to reach it, bringing us quite close as I attempted to reach the book with my short stature versus his tall frame and long arms.

In the middle of one of my jumps, he surprised me by catching be mid-air by bending down as I jumped up and grabbing me around the waist, making my stomach be at the same level as his face. Startled, I immediately reached out to grab something to support me, but since I was falling, I ended up slung over his shoulder, my hands on his back as he spun around.

An in voluntary peal of laughter erupted from me as he spun me around. At the sound of my laugh, Shane paused. Next thing I knew he had me pinned underneath him on my bed as he tickled me, attempted to make me laugh more. He was winning.

When I couldn't breathe anymore from laughing so much, Shane got off of me and busted out laughing at my appearance. Typical Shane.

I picked up the journal from the floor where he had abandoned it as he rolled on the floor laughing. I just rolled my eyes and went to put my book back in its proper place on the bookshelf.

* * *

SHANE'S POV:

Three hours after our tickling match, Caitlyn and I were lounging on the bed playing "Would You Rather?" out of boredom after watching some chick flick that we treated as if it was a comedy.

"…a cow or a donkey?" she was saying.

"Sorry, what was that again?" I asked, not really paying attention anymore, my mind focused on getting her journal to read that story from earlier.

She rolled her eyes. "I _said_, 'would you rather ride a cow or a donkey?'" she replied.

"Hmmm, I'd say donkey. At least they were ridden by someone in the past," I answered. "Now would you rather let me read your story from earlier, or suffer the consequences of opposing me?" I asked.

"Hmmm…that's a hard one…I'd have to say…NEITHER!" she exclaimed before leaping up, grabbing the book, and running out of the room, with me hot on her heels.

She got to the front yard before I tackled her to the ground and got the book from her grasp. As soon as I had it I jumped up, laughed triumphantly, and held it out of her reach, again.

* * *

CAITLYN'S POV:

"Come on Shane! Give it back!" I practically begged the second time that day. Did I mention earlier how I do NOT beg?

"Oh chill out Caity! Just let me read it!" I almost gave in when he called me 'Caity' but then remembered what I was trying to protect.

"No!... Come on, it's not done yet! I'll let you read it once I've edited it, ok?" I tried to compromise.

"No way!" he objected, "I don't want to risk you showing me a different story later on!"

At the look on my face, he smirked. How I love his smirk.

"Careful Cait, you don't want to let your poker face down to reveal your shock at my mind-reading abilities," he teased me.

"I'm only shocked that you think that I would be that dishonest to you," I countered. "Besides, why do you want to read it so much anyways?"

"Because, I want to know what you're hiding from me," he replied easily. "What is there that you can't just tell me Cait? Hmmm? I'm your best friend! You can trust me with anything, yet you choose not to."

That did it.

"No I can't Shane! I can't tell you 'anything'. Whether you listen to me or not is your choice, but I already tell you everything. What about you, huh? What are you keeping from me?" I countered.

"I don't keep anything from you! You know everything about me, yet I feel like I barely know you sometimes because you keep a part of yourself locked away in here where I can't read or learn it about you," he exploded.

I said nothing, letting him calm down enough to continue.

"Just…please…tell me what's wrong," he begged in a much lower tone than before. "What did I do?" he asked as he handed me back my beloved journal, which I promptly hugged to my chest.

"The only thing you don't know Shane, is how much I miss you when you're away," I told him honestly.

At his confused expression, I sighed and handed him the journal back.

"Just take it home and read it, you can keep it overnight since you have to go anyway" I said over my shoulder as I went back inside, leaving him outside, in the open, with my darkest secrets.

* * *

SHANE'S POV:

After Cait went back inside, I realized just how important this must be. She was surrendering her most private thoughts to me, and was finally entirely opening up to me.

This was important because Cait never surrenders. Anything. Ever. No matter what.

I decided to do as told, and drove home with her book.

Once I was alone in my room, I took back out her book and read.

Cait was an amazing writer that much I was already certain of, but I was not expecting what I got.

Based on a teenage girl falling in love with her best friend, the story strangely paralleled mine and Caitlyn's tale. Told from the girl's point of view, the story describes the heroine's internal struggle over her love of her best friend as she watches him move constantly as his Naval Officer dad is moved from base to base. The heroine never reveals her true feelings to her best friend out of compassion, not wanting to add anymore strain to his already hectic life.

But that wasn't the part that deeply shook me. That was done by the letter at the end, most likely the part she wrote today:

_Shane,_ it read, _I'm writing this because I'm scared. I'm scared because…I don't want anyone else to have your heart. I don't want anyone else to kiss your lips. I don't want anyone else to be in your arms. I don't want anyone else to be the one you love. I'm scared because I don't want anyone to take my place. I don't know where I stand w/ you. And I don't know what I mean to you. All I know is every time I think of you, all I wanna do is be with you._

_I am uncertain about a lot of things but I am certain about this: No one loves you like I do. You must know this, my love so true, I spend all my time missing you. You change my world w/ just one SMILE. You took my heart w/ just one KISS._

_You mean the world to me. Nothing will come between us. No matter what anybody says or does, you will always be in my heart. Forever and ever… Your spot in my heart will never be replaced. You hold the key to my heart and you have since we met. I will love you forever. And no matter how much we fight, things will be ok. Like I said, I will love you forever. No matter what._

_Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was beyond my control. And when I first met you, I never imagined that I would have such strong feelings for you. I never would have thought that I would have dreams about you or miss being by your side or get butterflies in my stomach when someone mentions your name. When I first met you I never would have thought that I would love you. Yet you had me at hello, and I don't intend to stop loving you now._

_Everyone says that love hurts, but that's not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Watching the one you love get hurt, hurts. Everyone confuses these with love, but in reality love is the only thing in this world that covers up all the pain, and makes us feel wonderful again._

_After writing this, unsure if I'll even let you read it, I've realized that one thing I am absolutely certain of, I can't live this life without you. No one realized just how much I loved you, until you left me and they saw the silent tears coming from my heart._

_Shane…you always say that you want me to have "a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. The boy who kisses your forehead. Who wants to show you off to the world. Who thinks you're pretty w/o makeup on. The one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you." And I want that boy too… just…the only difference is…I want it to be you._

_I'm a lover-not a fighter-but I'll fight for what I love, and that's you._

_So as I write this letter, I send my love to you. Please remember that I'll always be in love with you._

_xox Caitlyn Marie Gellar_

_P.S. – Do you know that I love you? I probably already told you, but I'm going to keep saying it. There are no lies in these words, not one bit. Your smile keeps me alive, is one more reason to keep fighting. I would give you my soul for comfort, even if it leaves me dark and cold. && when I hold you close, I can feel your heart beat fast, and I think to myself…I've found that "someone" at last: you._

When I finished reading the book and the letter, I was dumbfounded. I looked at the clock by my bed, and then I looked outside. Shrugging, I put my shoes back on, threw a jacket that matched my sweatpants on over my wife beater and grabbed my cell phone, the book, and my keys. I had 4 keys on my key ring. They went to my car, my apartment, my parents' house, and Caitlyn's house.

When I arrived at Caitlyn's place, I let myself in, guessing she'd be asleep by now. I crept up the stairs, hoping her roommate would still be out of town. At the top of the stairs I heard something that told me that she was. I heard crying.

I knew Caitlyn's crying anywhere, and Caitlyn never showed her tears to anyone but me.

But this wasn't 'any old crying', this was 'I fell asleep crying, and therefore am still crying'-type of crying.

I crept to her cracked open door to hear Caitlyn's steady breathing, and decided to enter.

What I saw struck me senseless for a minute: Caitlyn, with tear marks on her face, fully-clothed, in a fitful sleep on her bed.

After a dumbstruck second, I was by her side. Knowing how uncomfortable she most likely was, I helped her out of her shoes, outer shirt and bra (don't ask, she and I have had a lot of sleepovers with my brothers and she always fell dead asleep first, so we learned certain ways how to help her dress for bed (i.e. remove her bra without removing her shirt) from her roommate/best friend, Mary, who often joined our slumber parties) leaving her in her tank top and her sweatpants from earlier. After I tied her curly hair into a ponytail to keep it mostly tame as she slept, I took off my jacket and shoes and crawled into bed beside her, gathering her into my arms and watched her sleep.

After 5 minutes she stirred in my arms.

"Shane?" she asked, still half asleep, "what are you doing here at…what time is it?"

"2 A.M."

"TWO? What are you doing here at two in the morning?"

"Watching a beautiful girl get angry at me," I replyed smoothly.

"No one is beautiful at 2 A.M." she replied, snuggling into my warm chest once more, unknowingly throwing my hormones and beating heart into overdrive.

"I'd have to counter that," I said, staring pointedly at her, causing her to blush.

"What did you think?" she didn't have to specify what she meant, I knew.

"I loved it…except for one part…" I stated truthfully.

* * *

CAITLYN'S POV:

I was crushed, obviously thinking he meant the part about the heroine loving her best friend.

I pulled away from him as I asked, "Which part didn't you like? Was it the part about her loving her best friend?" while bracing myself for the answer I didn't want to hear.

"No! That was my favorite part!" he responded fervently.

"Ok, I'm confused now," I said. "If that was your favorite part, then what…"

I was cut off when Shane's mouth covered my own. Without thinking, I immediately kissed him back. When he gathered me in his arms again, I took that as an invitation to throw in all of the passion and love I felt for him, an act which he quickly matched with his own passion, making this the most passionate, breath-taking kiss of my life. When his tongue traced my bottom lip, I quickly granted access, and soon our tongues were engaging in a new battle of dominance, formally only having fought with words, now fighting with love and passion, as the sounds of our sighs and moans surrounded us.

When the need for air became apparent, Shane pulled away from me, only enough so we could breathe, both of us panting, foreheads together as our breathing mixed.

Shane was the first to regain enough air to speak, "Now, do you still believe I don't love you like you love me?"

I grinned, "I never said I based the characters on us."

Shane smiled, kissing my forehead, sending my heart into an irregular rhythm. "You didn't have to," was all he replied.

"In that case, I might need a bit more…"

And for the second time that night, the love of my life cut me off with a mind-blowing kiss.

* * *

**So this is my second story! I'm very proud of how long it is! It made me happy!**

**Thank you to EVERYONE who reviewed To Be Or Not To Be Sorry & Forgiven, especially 'anonymous' person, I wish I knew who you are!**

**So once again: Please R&R!**

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